Slow Down

There are times when you are so used to doing everything in a hurry that you don’t notice how fast-paced your life has become. Simply reading the words, “Slow down,” will allow you to pause for a moment and notice. This step is mentioned first so you will carry the thought with you throughout this article and beyond.

• Avoid multi-tasking. It has become popular, if not clichéd, to multi-task. Research indicates that there is a point where the quality of what you are doing declines when you try to focus on too many tasks at once. Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you have to.
• Find your threshold of diminishing return on the number of tasks you can work on. Your goal is to do things well so you can feel good about your accomplishments.
• Take frequent breaks while working.

Eliminate Extras

The concept of conspicuous consumption may describe your life. It entails lavish or wasteful spending that attempts to show others your level of social prestige. Simplifying your life will drastically cut into the amount of “extras” you have grown accustom to. The goal is to cut out the extra expenses so you won’t be tied down by financial obligations.

• Question if you really need that third ipad or newest electronic gadget, or twice-a-day trip through the coffee retailer drive-thru. Just say “no” to yourself, and “yes” to your desire to live a simpler and more peaceful life. Each time you are faced with a decision, you can make a good decision.
• Find fulfillment in the simple things in life by spending time with friends, in nature, or building something with your own two hands. Intrinsic rewards will improve your motivation and overall satisfaction with your life.

Practice Empathy and Compassion to Create Peace

The ability to appreciate someone else’s struggle is an important skill to develop. It comes easy to some people, and not to others. You know how you would like to be treated, so use that as a guide when trying to forgive someone.

• If you want to practice empathy and compassion start by reaching out to a family member or friend and offer to help her in some way. Perhaps you could run an errand for her, or do something simple like unload groceries, or water her plants. The point of this exercise is to provide to others the feelings and actions you appreciate when someone does the same for you.

One of the most attractive elements of journaling is its simplicity. Journal writing has virtually no barriers to entry; if you can hold a pen, you can keep a journal. It’s open to all: young and old, rich and poor, homebodies and wanderers.

You can buy a composition book for a buck at any drug store. You only need twenty minutes a day, the same amount of time you’ll spend watching commercials during the evening news. And the most complicated piece of equipment required is a ballpoint pen. If you can’t figure out how to work one of those, you can use a pencil.

I chuckle to myself when I hear starry-eyed dreamers breathlessly declare, “I want to be a writer.” As though putting words on paper is like climbing Kilimanjaro or winning the lottery – not something attainable at 2:30 this afternoon. Mentally, I thrust a legal pad into their eager hands. “Here – write.” Presto! You’re a writer.

Writing makes you a writer. Just like running makes you a runner. You don’t stand around at cocktail parties saying, “I’d like to be a runner someday.” You strap on your Nikes and hit the pavement, preferably today.

You want to be a journal writer? Put down that mouse – right now – I’ll wait. Grab a piece of paper out of the recycling bin with at least one blank side, and put words on it for twenty minutes. Then come back to your computer.

Keep it Simple

Journal writing at its core is simple. You get some paper and a pen, you write a few pages about what’s going on. You do it again tomorrow. And the next day.

We humans are a curious bunch — we make things needlessly complicated. So if you feel yourself getting mired in whether or not you’re doing it right, what kind of journal to use, when you “should” write, or if the color of your pen will affect the outcome, take a breath and get back to basics.

Words, on a page. It’s really that simple.

Do it Frequently

Writing frequently supports the habit part of journaling. It allows you to witness the ebb and flow of your life. It gives you perspective that you won’t always feel this way — after all, you didn’t feel this way yesterday.

Daily journaling provides the most benefits and the best results. If you only write when you “need to,” you will forever be in crisis management. Your journal will be filled with dire consequences and high stakes. And you’ll continue to live in reactionary mode.

The beauty of frequent journaling is that it helps you grow as a person, helps you recognize patterns in your life, and helps you gain perspective and control over your environment.

On the other hand, just do your best. If you can’t make time for journaling every day, do it as often as you can. A couple times a week is better than not at all. And if you miss some time, just get back to it without beating yourself up.

Journaling should support you and make you feel good. It’s not another Task to be checked off your Action Item List or fodder for self-flagellation when you “fail.”

Normally, though, we reserve the word failure for the bigger things. The times when we’ve let others down, and, more importantly, ourselves. Trying your hardest to do something important and failing is when it really stings and shakes your confidence. Maybe your startup business idea failed, you lost the big game, or you let someone you care about down. Sometimes failure can leave a mark—but it doesn’t have to.

Feel What You Need to Feel

Failure can take a hefty emotional toll, and that’s okay. What’s important is getting the negative feelings you have out of your system so you can regroup and tackle what’s next. Don’t keep how you feel trapped inside of you like a shaken up soda. Bottling your emotions can lead to two things:

• An emotional outburst: Eventually the pressure will build and it will be too much for you to contain. In a moment of weakness, everything you’ve kept inside could explode and set you back even further. This not only affects your mental state, but it can affect your relationships too. When you have an outburst, the people you care about often end up in the crossfire.
• Creeping negativity: If you only loosen the cap, the negativity will slowly and persistently enter your mind. You need to openly confront the mistakes you made and give yourself the chance to feel it all. Otherwise, anxiety will start to linger in the back of your mind and the soft hiss of failure will continue. Constant anxiety is incredibly unhealthy and can lead to even more problems.

So, how do you let it all out? There are a few ways to get the bad, and—most importantly—retain the knowledge you gained:

• Set aside some time: It’s okay to feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. Completely ignoring what happened isn’t helpful, so set aside a specific amount of time to wallow as much as you want. Take some time to be angry, upset, and frustrated so you can get it all out. If it’s something small, all you may need is an hour to pace around or cry in a pillow. For something larger, give yourself a full 24 hours to let it all out and wake up the next day with a clean slate. If you need more than a day, that’s okay, but make sure it’s an amount of time set by you and that you stick to it. You get that time to be as mopey as you want, but when it’s over, move on.
• Talk about it: Talk to somebody you know about how you’re feeling. It’s well known that just talking about something can make you feel better. Take a load off and express yourself. Chances are whoever you talk to will try to make you feel better, but even if they don’t, saying how you feel out loud puts that information out somewhere besides your brain.
• Don’t let it become a part of your identity: Failure is something that happens, not something you are. Susan Tardanico at Forbes explains that just because you haven’t found a successful way to do something doesn’t mean you are a failure. Be careful not to blur the lines between making mistakes and being someone who only makes mistakes. Our actions may define us, but our failures do not. The actions you take to move past failure and reach success will define you in the end.

Failure can leave an open wound and it’s unwise to ignore it. Without acknowledging it, your wound will continue to hurt, take longer to heal, and possibly get infected.

Change Your Definition of Failure

Have we mentioned that failure is good? It can be hard to think that way, but changing your definition of failure can help you cope. Failure is a learning and growing opportunity that is necessary for growth.

Robert Spadinger at Pick the Brain has a list of truths that can help adjust your own definition of failure:

1. Failure is an integral part on the way to success and self realization.
2. Whenever you step outside the comfort zone and whenever you try something new, failure becomes inevitable.
3. Each failure brings you one step closer to reaching your goals.
4. Failure is a great teacher and it allows you to learn some of the most valuable life lessons.
5. Each failure makes you stronger, bigger and better.
6. Making mistakes is not a big deal as long as you learn from them and avoid repeating them.
7. Failure teaches you that a certain approach may not be ideal for a specific situation and that there are better approaches.
8. Successful people will never laugh at you or judge you when you fail, because they have already been there and they know about the valuable lessons you can learn from failure.
9. No matter how often you fail, you are not a failure as long as you don’t give up.
10. Each time you fail, your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.

Every mistake is a learning opportunity, and after you’ve moved past your emotions, it’s important to revisit your mistakes with a new perspective. Look at what you did that went wrong, but also look at what you did that was right, and what you can do better next time. Failure is rarely so black and white.